“First Comes Love...”
For the first few days we were officially “dating” we continued things pretty normally. We still played soccer all the time, we still hung out with huge crowds at my apartment, and we kept getting to know each other a little better each day.
In that first week he and I were dating my BFF, Halestorm, came for a surprise visit and that was a BLAST. She was in town for a last minute visit with her family before her wedding and it was the perfect opportunity to spend some serious time with her. We hung out constantly and she even got to spend some time getting to know my new boyfriend. She helped my make a HUGE gourmet cake for a friend of ours, who was on my soccer team and helped me throw a surprise birthday party for him. She teased me telling me that she gave me 2 weeks before Dr. Q and I were engaged and I just laughed. There was no way that was going to happen. She was getting married September 5th and I wanted to be at her wedding so badly. My roomies and I even tried to come up with a game plan on how we could get there. But when it came right down to it, it didn’t feel right to go. I was sad to miss my best friend’s wedding, but we settled on a shorter road trip instead to see some family and catch up with high school friends.
When Halestorm left, Dr. Q and I planned a date night to go to the Temple together. I studied the scriptures long and hard trying to define the feelings I had for Dr. Q. I was so nervous that things would progress too quickly and I didn’t know him well enough to be as emotionally attached as I was becoming. I remember reading the line “by their fruits ye shall know them” several times (even in chapters that didn’t contain that phrase – trust me I’ve re-read them and it doesn’t say that). I was praying hard asking Heavenly Father what it meant. But after the temple we went to devotional on campus. And the speaker specifically talked about the fact that when we don’t see the whole story we can still make a judgment call on things (like movies, friends, classes, parties, etc..) by their “fruits” – the things that they accomplish, the vibes they send out, and the way people react to them. I felt so peaceful realizing that every “fruit” I’d seen of Dr. Q made me like him more.
That night my aunt Bird called and told me she was headed to Utah for a funeral and asked me if I’d come into Salt Lake to spend some time with her. She really is amazing (she might read this- but she hasn’t blogged in forever so maybe she won’t…) and is really more like a big sister to me. I was in her wedding party and thinking back to when I was a kid she is in all of my favorite memories!! We’ve lived near each other several time in the past and when I was in college I missed having family around- so the drive to SLC was NOTHING if it meant being able to see her.
I’m kind of a chicken when it comes to long drives be myself though, and my car had been having mini seizures since I moved back to school so I started asking around to see if anyone else wanted to go to SLC for the weekend (both to help with gas, and to help in case we broke down on the side of the road). I found out that my friend Cherilyn was driving down, but she wanted to bring her truck down and I wanted to bring my car as well (the place Bird was staying was actually just south of SLC and I get super nervous when I can’t control how/when/where I’m going.) So we decided to caravan- that way if I broke down we’d still be able to get into town or find help.
And then when I told Dr.Q I was going down he asked if he could come along – he wanted to visit his extended family, catch up with old missionary companions, and stop by his brother’s home on the way through. So we caravanned down getting to know each other even better and following Cherilyn carefully all the way to her exit. I then dropped Dr.Q off at his aunt’s house and hurried to see my aunt and adorable niece (I mean, ahem cousin…?).
When I got to where Bird was staying, I told her about the remarkable experience I had about deciding to date Dr. Q and she got all flustered and we started talking about dating, engagement, and marriage… We got really serious and talked about what it takes to be mentally healthy and prepared for that kind of commitment and I told her I wanted to take it super slow to avoid the kind of heartache I’d learned too well in past relationships. Over the next 2 days she got to know Dr. Q as we toured Temple Square together.
One of my favorite moments of the weekend was as we were doing a crossword puzzle in one of the buildings on Temple Square and I wrote our names at the top. He put them in a heart and I scribbled it out. I told him “Hearts break, circles are forever” and he scribbled out the heart and rewrote our names in a circle. It was a simple gesture, but its stuck with me this long, and become a symbol of our love.
When it was time to go home we drove back together and sang songs, asked each other deep life changing questions (like: what’s your favorite color? What’s your favorite cereal? Etc.), and talked about where we see ourselves after college. We stopped at his brother’s home on the way back. It was a little nerve wracking, but I did my best to be polite and be real. Two of his brothers were there and they were kind, but slightly intimidating. His sister in law was loud, but fun to be around. And one of his friends was a jokester, that actually made me feel right at home. We only stayed for about half an hour- but I quickly caught onto some of the inside jokes and saw a new side of Dr. Q. One that made me see not only that he was a great friend, but that he loved his family and would do anything for them.
I spent the next week working, working, and working. But Dr. Q and I still found a way to see each other every day. One night as we were watching a movie with a huge crowd he and I were laying on the floor since we had like seven hundred other people taking up the couches- and we were holding hands. I absent-mindedly drew on his hand “I” then a heart and then “U”. Too me, this was no big deal – “I heart you” is a normal thing to hear my cousins and I say to – well just about everyone. But after everyone else left that night when he was saying good-bye he gave me a big hug and then whispered in my ear “I love you Jess”. (C’mon say it with me- “awhhh”) It was so sweet and took my breath away. I told him I loved him too and that was it. No awkward moment, no nervousness – just the love.
That week I got him a job at the company where I was working. He left either Thursday or Friday to go to his brother’s wedding and at the last minute practically begged me to go with him. I said no and that I already had plans for the weekend with my roommates. Truth be told, I would have loved to go- I was just nervous to meet so many people so soon in our relationship, after all he had 8 brothers and 4 sisters in law… and that’s just the immediate family.
Late Friday night he texted me telling me that all the family was wondering why I didn’t come and that they all wanted to meet me. I have to admit I was flattered and it sounded like he was being sincere that he wanted me to meet his family. Since his family lived on the way to where my roommates were headed, I asked if they would drop me off at his brother’s reception and then just pick me up on the way back home. Right before we got in the car, my mom called and demanded that I give her more than six weeks to find bridesmaid dresses if I was getting married. It was kind of ironic since I’d only known Dr. Q for a few weeks- man, mother Intuition is weird. ;)
It ended up being a great experience and I was even able to name off all the brothers with their wives in order the first time I met most of them. They were all nice and pleasant and I was feeling pretty good about first impressions. After the reception we went to his house and I spent some more time hanging out with his family- getting to know his aunts, grandmother, and parents.
Late that night he asked if I wanted to take a walk around his home town. We walked around the block and talked for a long time. I could tell he was nervous so I thought I’d be funny and break the ice by making him laugh. I told him that my mom had called and basically asked if we were planning on getting married. He laughed nervously and then after a minute of silence he said “well, what do you think of that?” I asked him what he meant and he told me that while in the temple for his brother’s wedding he realized that he wanted to take me there, and that he couldn’t stop thinking about me and how at peace he felt with the thought of he and I sitting together in the temple.
I was kind of blown away (remember, I wanted slow and steady?) and part of me was scared because I still was partially clinging to the idea of serving a mission. I told him I wasn’t positive that now was good timing and that maybe the timing would be better after a semester or two. He asked me to pray about it that night and promised me that he would pray about it too. He also told me that he really would want all of his brothers to be there, and that one of his younger brothers was leaving on a mission the next spring. I agreed to pray about it and we went back to his house.
His brothers slept out in their guest bedroom and gave me the youngest brother’s bedroom for the night. I tried to sleep but I was tossing and turning. I finally pulled out my scriptures and just started reading. I read so many different things – but right at the end as I said a prayer to Heavenly Father telling him since I’d already had confirmation, that I’d do this and move forward – but I begged Him that someday I’d still be able to serve a mission. And as I got off my knees to crawl back into bed a bookmark fell out of my scriptures. I don’t know where the book mark came from- but it had a picture of Emma Smith and talked about the most important mission a woman can fulfill in this life is to be a mother and raise her children in the Gospel. I knew that was my answer and I finally fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up early, got dressed and found their music room where I read my scriptures until he came in that morning. He sat by me and asked me if I’d slept well. I told him I did and asked him if he’d remembered to pray last night. He told me he did and asked if I got the answer I was looking for last night as well. I told him yes and he gave me a kiss and walked me into the kitchen to eat breakfast with the family. We went to church with his family and I played card and board games with everyone that afternoon. It seemed like a great fit.
We ended up driving with one of his brothers and sister in laws (Grant and Tracy) back to another small town where his car was parked from the bachelor party. Tracy slipped up and said something like “well for Thanksgiving you guys should..” and then she stopped and said “I mean, assuming you guys are still together then?” and Dr. Q asked me if he could tell them and I said sure. So he told them we are actually planning on getting married. And they flipped! It was fun to see how excited they were for us!
We met up with my roommates on the road once we got his car and we drove back home caravanning with my roommates. We called my parents and told them the good news and letting them know that my mother is a freaking psychic! My dad reminded Dr. Q that he better still call and “ask for his daughter’s hand”. A few minutes later Dr.Q’s parents and younger brothers called to welcome me to the family and that’s how we fell in love! (all within about a week and a half from when we started "dating".)
(Way Back Wednesday is a portion of my blog where I chronicle our family's history and background.)
